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How More Research Was Compiled
My own firsthand research, although less daring, was no less vigorous. For more than ten years,before becoming a communications consultant and trainer, I was director of a research group I founded called The Project.
The Project was a New York City-based not-for-profit corporation established to explore sexuality and relationships. During my tenure with The Project, I interviewed and catalogued thousands of subjects on what they sought in a partner. I gathered information from the students at the dozens of universities where I was invited to speak on my research.
Like the work of researcher Ellen Berscheid, The Project experienced an unsought avalanche of attention which brought it to national attention. A Time magazine reporter covered one of our sessions and wrote a full-page article declaring "Sex Fantasy Goes to Broadway," which, indeed, it did.
One arm of The Project had volunteers presenting psychodramatizations of their actual love fantasies on stage. Because there was no nudity and no explicit language, the squeaky-clean dramatizations were unique and caught the attention of the three major television networks, which presented excerpts of the vignettes on national programs. This, in turn, spawned dozens of articles in respected mainstream publications in America and Europe.
As a result, people from all over the world sent us their stories, their fantasies, their longings for love. They called or wrote to The Project detailing precisely what they sought in a romantic partner. Most of the letters and calls we received were prefaced with comments like, "I've never told anyone but . .." The callers and writers then proceeded to divulge their deepest desires to the anonymous Project. We listened, gratefully, as we gathered data on what made, or would make, people fall in love.
How the Techniques Were Developed
Let us leave the world of sexuality for a moment. Come with me to my second discipline, the field of communications. It is here I take the findings, and turn them into workable techniques to make someone fall in love with you.
It has been proved beyond any doubt that there are ways to induce desired behavior from people. If there were not, all psychologists and thousands of corporate trainers, myself included, would be out of business. There are established methods for invoking various emotions and for changing people's behavior. For example, we can learn how to deal with difficult people or how to make troublesome employees respond in the desired way. Feedback from seminars I have presented for government organizations, universities, professional associations, and corporations convinces me that we can indeed effect changes in behavior patterns.
We accomplish this complex task by first understanding people's basic needs and motivations, then by employing the right verbal and nonverbal skills to modify their behavior. That is what I do in this book. Drawing from the scientific studies, I reveal the basic needs and motivations that make someone fall in love. Then I give you the right verbal and nonverbal skills to induce the behavior you want—in this case, to make that person fall in love with you.
This book is the result of many years of research and exploration into several disciplines: interpersonal relationships, human sexuality, communications skills, and gender differences. We not only draw from scientific studies into the nature of love and from my personal research, but we also benefit from the work of modern therapists and communications analysts. I am especially grateful for the work of sociolinguist Deborah Tannen*5& and the clever Mars/Venus analogies of therapist John Gray,*6* who made it common knowledge that men and women have vastly different styles of thinking
What is the recipe for making someone fall in love with you? Can it be reduced to a formula? The following sounds simple, but it is actually quite complicated.
You start with a solid scientific base of what makes up interpersonal attraction. Then you gather profound information about your Quarry (the person you want to make fall in love with you). Next,you employ sophisticated, often subliminal, communication techniques to meet his or her conscious and subconscious needs. Finally, you secure your Quarry with your spicy perception of precisely what he or she wants sexually.
There you have it: the formula for making a Potential Love Partner fall in love with you.
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5. Tannen, Deborah, Ph.D. 1990. You Just Don't Understand. New York: William Morrow and Company.
6. Gray, John, Ph.D. 1992. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. New York:
Other Interesting Articles:
How To Attract The Right People To Your Event
Make Love Part 1, How I Tested the Techniques
Make Love, Anyone? Yes, Practically Anyone
Tips For You can Say "I Love You"